Why does forgiveness hurt so much?

Loving someone that has done you wrong can be very, very difficult. It may even seem impossible to you. But it can be done, first you have to forgive them as God daily forgives us our sins and loves us unconditionally. Let go of the burden that's holding you back, and free yourself. And remember that forgiving them does not mean you have to keep them in your circle of friends! Forgive, love and live in the spirit of peace.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. -Matthew 5:9

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. -Romans 14:19

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. -Colossians 3:15

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the LORD. -Hebrews 12:14

What makes forgiveness so hard?   Human behavior that suggests that people are “hard-wired" to experience ruptured relational bonds, psychological distance, physiological arousal, and the desire to retaliate when they have been hurt by another person. Our pride or self-esteem is injured. Our expectations or dreams are disappointed. We lose something very valuable to us. We want recompense for the damages. 

Have you ever been around someone who seems to be overcome by bitterness, anger, and even vengeful? These individuals have one main obsession in common – an unforgiving heart. At one time or another, the individual has felt they have been wronged. Unfortunately we all become ill-treated by someone on occasion; sometimes even by someone we love. Where it becomes an issue of sin is when we find ourselves holding onto grudges wanting to take revenge on those who have wronged us. The sin the other person had done to us becomes deep rooted sin within our own heart because we failed to give the transgression the person had committed toward us to the Lord. We failed to forgive the offender.

I know that I've recently felt this toward an unnamed individual and I shared the comment about the feeling with my husband.  Wanting to be the good listening husband he listened but then when it came time to react he told me how very wrong I was in what I was saying.  You know I really appreciate that in spite of my hurt, he was able to help me with that feeling and then go on and encourage me to not want to retaliate but to turn over those feelings (to God) and move on with living our lives in the way that we should live them.  He hurt for me and wanted to make me feel loved while I was feeling put off, and so why validating my feelings of being hurt he stood up to the sin of retaliation and moved forward with me.  I love my husband and his strength where I am weak!  God really blessed me with an incredible man and I can only thank him and God over and over again for that maturity.